Speaking Up about Home Staging

Nothing surprises me anymore, nothing. The shock & awe of catching people in the shower, on the toilet or drinking beers in the backyard while showing their home on a Monday afternoon used to "WOW" me, but not anymore. I showed about 30 million homes last week. Here's some real life things I witnessed.....

1. One of the homes we viewed was staged, clean and orderly. While cruising around downstairs I heard  THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD. Really loud too. I looked at my buyer and he looked at me, mentally we thought the same thing. "Is that weird noise coming from the garage?" I went first, (super Realtor) to investigate the peculiar sound. There I found a 60+ year old man wearing blue short-shorts without a shirt on. He was strapped with boxing gloves & a white head band. And there he was pounding the shit out of a giant red punching bag. It was chained to the ceiling and twirled as he hit it. SSSSST... SSSSST (that's the noise of the glove hitting the bag.)

2. Who fries catfish during showings? I love catfish, but I don't prefer to see a seller chillin in her kitchen when I’m showing the property. A loud fan was on (ZZZZZZZZZ) above her fryer. She did offer a nibble, but we declined.

3. One of the houses we visited had a termite company parked out front. Upon entering we heard the termite dude from the attic. He was crawling around up there with the seller. Being the neat guy that I am, I decided to go to the bottom of the stairs and {listen in}. What I heard was a bit surprising. The seller was using profanity to describe his feelings about some trade made in baseball. You could hear the termite guy laughing & chewing the fat with the seller.

4. I don't like people who have 6 or 7 cats. That's just too weird. I felt like I was in an animal shelter at one house. There must have been a dozen cats flying through the air, jumping off couches, running under tables and MEOWING as we walked from room to room. I can only imagine the kitty litter duty for this homeowner.

5. For whatever reason we found an axe swung into the ground in the back yard. There was no wood, trees or anything "normal" that would explain the axe stuck in the ground. It was big too. It looked cool. Big, red, and with a giant man handle. Not sure what an axe was doing by the patio in the ground.

6. Interior burglar bars are a bad idea when trying to sell your home.

7. I thought it was really neat how one seller had painted a picture of he and his wife on the wall. Like a mural. Don't ask. I should have taken a picture of this one. These folk's lived down the street from the axe in ground house.

8. We stumbled up on a guy working on his car in the driveway on another listing. His shirt was off and his gut was creased over the radiator as he hung half way in the car. Incredibly we were not subjected to ass crack. In the background was a little radio on with.... "I shot the Sheriff, but I didn't shoot the Deputy.... oooh, oooh, ooooh"

9. How about the COP who owns the home? Only we don't know he "lives there." How would we? We pulled up to a really nice 2 story only to find 2 police cars in the drive way. Immediately we're like... "who got shot?" "Who’s going to jail?" When we showed up one cop (man) was in full uniform feeding a dog while the other (female) was organizing pillows on the couch (in full uniform.) I couldn't help but wonder if they were just being naughty while on the clock..

10. Then of course there's Betty the Open House, over involved, Let me show you around and laugh a lot - super pain the ass seller. She opened the door before we even tried to unlock it. BAM! She was like .... OH, HI THERE GUYS!!!!!, C'MON IN!!!  My buyer was pretty new to the concept so he quickly fell for the hospitality bit. She started asking questions, offering tea, asking about "being approved." I wanted to push her in the pool as she made us walk with her. Do we really need her to ask.. "are you guys familiar with the area?" NO, NOT AT ALL! We just pointed at the map and said.... SET VOYAGE MEN, WE'LL GO WHERE NO BUYER OR BUYER'S AGENT HAS EVER BEEN BEFORE!

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Greg Nino is Licensed Real Estate agent & Team Leader for GT & Associates. We proudly serve all of Harris, Montgomery, Brazoria & FT. Bend County. Our expertise & professional services are available 7 days a week.

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